A Hungry Man's Guide To Glastonbury
- Apr 20, 2010
There's one magic moment for each of my Glastonbury pilgrimages which act as mental plinths on otherwise boggy ground, the remaining festival memories flickering and floating away over time like chinese lanterns from the Stone Circle.
In 2007, it was the way the rain clouds parted for 45 minutes of glorious sunshine during The Marley Brothers.
I still remember the noise of helicopter blades in 2008 as Hova hovered overhead, landed and then he made that entrance.
And then last year, I found the rumour that this really was it for poor old Michael Jackson entirely hilarious, as I couldn't believe everyone had fallen for yet another annual Glastonbury fable. Oops.
Anyway, aside from using those rather useful landmarks to navigate my way back through the rows and rows of festival flashbacks - some brilliantly colourful and vivid, others more jaded and pale - the most dog-eared page from my self-taught, learn-it-the-hard-way Glastonbury survival guide, is the ketchup-stained beauty, 'Where's the best place to satisfy this incredible hunger'?
Alas, here's my top five Glastonbury stomach fillers, so do tuck in.
Yam The Cassava (Greenfields)
Top of the list, with very good reason, this is the final place I'd eat if Somerset brought back the death penalty and, for some unknown reason, I was on death row (maybe I finally caught up with whoever it was at Channel 4 who axed the Crystal Maze).
Yam The Cassava bubbles and brims with all the charm and idiosyncrasies which make the whole festival so great: it offers fantastic value for money and its range of spicy cooking, including jerk chicken, ground-lamb curry and prawn gumbo, simply couldn't be tastier.
You can find it on your way walking from the main triangular market area towards the Greenfields.
It really is a hidden gem, and one of those rough diamonds you might spot and keep on walking, but do so at your peril as you can eat something different here every day and each meal will surpass the brilliance of the previous, I guarantee.
And just when you didn't think Yam The Cassava could get any more fantastic, its owner, Colga Parker, lives in Barbados for 11 months of the year and pitches up at Glastonbury every June to pay for her children's education in the UK from the stall's profits, hero!
Pauline Fowler's Growler (Oxlyers Bridge)
Arthur's holy grail is the perfect beer-soaking pick-me-up on the stumble towards the darker end of Glastonbury after the main stages have slipped away for another day.
Situated between The Other Stage and whiskers away from the Glade, Pauline Fowler's Growler is a curiously nourishing meal, combining every boy's dream foursome: chips, bacon on top, cheese on top of that and a baguette to hold it all together. Add lashings of ketchup and open wide.
Compulsory nosh.
Rabbit Hole (The Park)
It's the typical festival scenario: it gets to the early evening, you're feeling frazzled from the sunshine (fingers crossed), booze and sleep deprivation and you just need that little luxury lift… bunny girls feeding you scones, anyone?
Hop over to the absurdly quirky Rabbit Hole for a few Alice In Wonderland-themed hours of cream tea indulgence and a bit of you time. The lure of a squishy sofa will never be so strong after three nights sleeping on the floor and you'll even discover something surprisingly interesting to listen to whilst your there.
Square Pie (Erm...)
One square meal a day is all you need to survive any festival, and this is about as square as they come.
Choose between seven types of pie (I'm a Chicken, Leek and Ham man), get a few dollops of your favourite type of mash (come on, it's gotta be cheesy mash), then it's just a matter of settling the great 'peas vs baked beans' debacle (baked beans) before you're riding the gravy boat to LOLsville.
Square Pie is located in the dead centre of the triangle between the Dance Village, Pyramid Stage and The Other Stage. Basically, walk from the Guardian tent to The Other Stage and it'll be somewhere along there…
With pie in hand, then find somewhere comfy to sit down and spend a good 20 minutes watching the rest of the insanity of the festival unfold, safe in the knowledge that it's ok to be square once in a while.
Just Falafs (Main Market)
Ever a sucker for great names of food places (try the Phat Phuc Noodle Bar in Chelsea), Just Falafs sells pretty much just that and offers the ideal blend of spicy zing and carbo-stodge.
Aside from Mrs Fowler's Growler, god rest her soul, Just Falafs is the only eatery on the list offering a great grab-it-and-go alternative to the more time consuming meals. Sometimes you've just gotta run off to The Park and see if that rumour about a secret Paul McCartney set really is true. It won't be.
Oh, and finally, I have no idea what this is, but if you see a sign for a Garlic Guzzler, please refrain from vomiting in your own mouth and go seek out what it is. My stomach is never steely enough to find out, but I'm very intrigued. Answers on a napkin.
Matt Proud
